Ignoring The Red Flags
Well, chances are, we can. Let’s be honest, we probably all have seen a red flag early on in a relationship and just chose to ignore it. Of course, the women that ignore the red flags are the ones that often have unsuccessful relationships. We’ve heard about these 'red flags' for years and it’s about time that we start recognizing them early.
It’s no wonder I ignored red flags – I wouldn’t’ t have known what to do with them anyway. Looking back, I realize now that I couldn’t stop that difficult period of my life from happening. But I learned that those moments are not the time for me to get into relationships. Jul 19, 2018 - Those red flags that you ignore in the beginning are ultimately what will cause the relationship to end down the road. Save yourself the future. Take off the rose-colored glasses and pay attention to these bright relationship red flags to watch out for.
It's one way to avoid wasting years on a guy that is just not worthy. The key is picking up on these signs and doing something about it, instead of just ignoring them. We know it’s not as easy as it sounds but if you learn to recognize certain signs, then you can save yourself a lot of pain and heartache. If you know what to look for ahead of time, you can get out before you get in too deep. Check out these 20 early red flags most women ignore about their man (but really shouldn't). Via Teen Vogue For anyone that has been in a bad relationship, you know that there was a point where you started justifying your man’s horrible behavior.
When you see yourself doing that, it’s time to back out. Business Insider relationship experts say, 'The mind is the most skilled Photoshopper - it can rationalize anything and paint any picture of anyone, depending on our initial perspective.
There is a psychological phenomenon known as the 'confirmation bias,' where we are inclined to discard all evidence that does not align with our views and only keep those that do. And with a potentially toxic person, they have worked to create a false positive impression to worm their way into your heart.”. Via Marie Claire The worst thing that you can do for your relationship is to not talk through your issues.
Early Red Flags In Relationships
It just won’t last very long. If you find your guy avoiding discussing problems, however small, you might as well just save yourself some time and get out of there. 'All couples have disagreements.
That's perfectly normal and healthy. But it's how you handle those disagreements that can really make or break things. Does your partner walk away? Place all the blame on you? Throw a tantrum? These are all red flags,' according to Business Insider. Via The Telegraph Just hearing the word entitlement just makes us cringe.
You should not always be giving your partner more than you are getting back. His needs are not more important than yours, no matter how much he seems to think they are. Business Insider experts highlight; 'I see this a lot in marriages and dating relationships, where there's always one person who's feeding the needs of the other person.
One person is giving and giving and giving, and the other person gives one back. There's an imbalance. And the other selfish person is typically fine with their needs being met.”. Via Junkee We can’t tell you enough how important it is to follow your gut. It’s the sense that lets us know when something is not right.
Don’t talk yourself out of a gut feeling. Experts at Businesss Insider suggest, 'Actions speak louder than words. If the date says one thing and does another, look deep into yourself and tell yourself it will only get worse and walk away. If you are dating someone who tries to rush a relationship without giving you time to get to know them properly, slow it down yourself and take control.
If they are not patient with this request, you get out.”. Via TIME Sure, sometimes it’s going to be about him just like sometimes it will be about you, but it shouldn’t always be all about him. On this topic, Business Insider notes, 'One major red flag in relationships is when everyday life, events, conversations, and basic interactions are frequently about that person - where there's constant manipulation and abuse of power over you. For instance, you could confront the person you're dating about something they did or said that hurt you. Rather than listening to your concern and apologizing, they will manipulate and flip the conversation, telling you all the things you've done to hurt and upset them.”.
Via Vox There’s a saying that goes, if a man claims that all his exes are crazy, then look at what the common dominator is. That means if your ex supposedly always has “crazy exes,” chances are, he’s the crazy ex. And Business Insider adds, “When people describe all of their exes as terrible people and put all the blame on them for the relationship's failure, this is a red flag for me. It practically shouts: 'I cannot take any responsibility for whatever went wrong. I have not learned anything from these relationships. It is totally up to you to make our relationship work.”.
Via Collider Work ethic can be a strong indicator of how someone deals with their life long-term. You want to date someone that has his life in order or at least has some important life milestones on the horizon. It’s always good to see how your partner feels about these things.
If he is someone who is unmotivated about life, then you should walk away. It’s okay if they have had a setback in life and are trying to get back on track, but if they are fine with just letting life pass them by, then that's not someone you want to try to build a life with. Via IMDb A man that dismisses your feelings doesn’t care about you very much. He usually allows himself to do whatever he wants but does not let you get away with the same things. Business Insider elaborates; 'You may be in a relationship with an emotional manipulator if you see an emotional double standard in the relationship, experience your feelings being denied, criticized, or dismissed, find yourself 'giving in' to keep the peace, and see your self-esteem diminishing. You may get a feeling that there is something not right, like secrets, unexplained behaviors, unexpected reactions, or are increasingly blamed.”.
Via Slice Money does make the world go around, but it shouldn’t be the most important thing in your life. Money can also break a relationship and marriage easier than anything else. If he asks you to pay for the meal on your first date or implies that a woman should pay, even though he's fully capable, then do yourself a favor and get out. We’re not talking about him always paying for dates, but if he can’t be chivalrous on a first date or at least split the check because he's so cheap, he’s likely to be that way the entire time you know him. Via Just Jared Jr. Again, this may be something that you wouldn’t normally think is a big deal, but it is. There should be no reason at all for him to be secretive with you, especially about small things.
If he is that’s usually a sign that there’s something going on behind the scenes that you aren’t aware of. Just imagine how he will act when it comes to big things if he is secretive about little things. If you find this sort of thing happening with a guy you are dating, you can bet that he’s not someone that you can trust. Sources: Independent, Self, Your Tang.
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In a toxic relationship we may ask ourselves why didn’t we see the unhealthy relationship clues sooner? The answer is often that we did see red flags, but choose to ignore them at the time. Here are the most common signs and why we look the other way. Why We Ignore The Red Flags.
For many it is the hope that the problem will disappear on its own and our fantasy will continue uninterrupted. For others, it is because we have been taught that relationships are hard work and we must compromise. These include cultural pressures to stay in the relationship no matter what. Some ignore the red flags because of the inconvenience of seeing them. We may have to make big changes such as the place where we live, our finances, or have to learn to be alone According to Susan Biali M.D. @ Psychology Today 'Until you start changing the actions you take in response to red flags, you're always going to get the same results.
The red flags are not the problem. It's what you DO with that information - which is usually nothing - that gets you into trouble.'
Common Relationship Red Flags Here are some of the that occur in many relationships. You're Perfect! And your partner can't tell you often enough. We often dismiss the flag with 'That's wonderful. I feel so special and appreciated. What could be wrong with that?'
Unfortunately, while it may sound wonderful at first, it's utterly miserable being placed on a pedestal. The other person doesn't see the real you. They project an idea of perfection onto you and will get upset anytime you act like a flawed normal human being. They Can't Stand To Be Away From You He begs you to stay home instead of having brunch with the girls, or she misses you so much when you're with the guys. We'll excuse the flag on the play with, 'They are obsessed with me and can’t stand the idea of being away from me. They love me so much.'
The truth is possessiveness arises from insecurities. It reflects the injured and degraded self-esteem of that person. Obsession is a perfume not a form of love. They Need A Drink Or Pill To Unwind Because drinking is socially acceptable, we dismiss this red flag with, 'Everyone has their own way to relax. He or she binges on the weekend.'
According to the National Institute of Health, drug addiction is a complex disease, and quitting usually takes more than good intentions or a strong will. Drugs change the brain in ways that make quitting hard, even for those who want to. They Let You Do All The Work Partners in healthy relationships share the housework, bills, and planning. Do you make excuses with, 'It is just easier for me to take care of the housework. His/her boss was not fair to him/her. I don’t mind planning things for the two of us.
I am just better at those kinds of things.' It's important to remember 'Under-Functioning' adults typically don’t show a history of financial independence or taking full responsibility for their own physical welfare and/or activities of daily living. They constantly need advice and expect other to care for them. They often zone out in front of TV or video games. The unhealthy relationship clues that appear in many relationships are if we would simply choose to believe what we are seeing.
Ignoring Red Flags In A Relationship
Even more confusing is when people will actually tell you the truth and we simply choose not to believe them. Maya Angelo said it best, “When a person says to you, ‘I’m selfish,’ or ‘I’m mean’ or ‘I am unkind,’ believe them. They know themselves much better than you do.” Trust Your Gut Even if someone doesn't tell you directly your gut will confirm the truth about what you see. Do you often feel you must ignore what is plainly in sight in order to keep the status quo in your relationship?
Red Flag Relationship Signs
When we finally accept reality, we can find relief. While it is difficult to face the new challenges of acknowledging unhealthy relationship clues, ultimately we are comforted by the knowledge that we are not crazy. In fact, our gut/intuition was working just fine. It may feel as though we are being gaslighted by the people we love, but sometimes we are the ones doing the to ourselves. I was born into a large Catholic Family of 14 children in Upstate New York.
I graduated with my degree in Professional and Technical Writing from University of South Florida. My recovery story began when I witnessed addiction in close relatives and friends. Unable to change them I began to focus on what I could change, me. Building a support system for myself I now strive daily to keep the focus on me.
In my articles I sometimes share stories from my own experience, strength, and hope. It is my hope that others will find courage to see 'the elephant in the room' and seek out help for themselves against this cunning,baffling,and powerful disease.